Carry On, Cather
by peachykeenage
Summary: Cather Avery is determined to have a fabulous year with Levi, Regan, and Wren. But one thing seems to be stopping her. No more Simon and Baz. Ever since Gemma T. Leslie finished Simon Snow Cath realized that her writing career might be over. Follow Cath as she goes through a series of struggles to fall in love with fan fiction writing again.
1. Chapter 1

**(Before I start I just want to thank one of my beta readers for editing and "nitpicking" this story. I love what you've done and I love writing with you. Thank you, birdywings (Meghan). You're the one person who always has an extra lightsaber.)**

**Chapter One: Carried On**

_Baz destroyed it._ _The last and final hare._ _Six of six._ _Every last one. Every last hare. Gone._

_He was covered from head to toe in blood that wasn't his. Baz's eyes fluttered open and his body shook from the cold of the water dripping down from the cave's ceiling, then onto his dirt covered chest._ _His black hair was now a brownish color and currently sticky with the scarlet fluid as were his long eyelashes._ _Dirt trickled from his clothing, pouring into a dark brown puddle at his bare feet, and he watched as the beige liquid gushed in between all ten of his toes._ _In that moment, Baz worked more on breathing evenly than ever before, (because somehow his lungs had momentarily forgotten how to be lungs) but he supposed he couldn't curse them for their defective memory considering the fact that he forgot about pleasing everyone, (for once.)_

"_Everyone's expectations are too big," he would tell Simon during their midnight talks in the old nursery. "I can't possibly please them all."_

"_They're too big because their heads are even bigger." Simon would reply in return, and Baz could only smile in response._

_But for now, he forgot about everyone._

_Agatha._

_Penelope._

_His sight was sharpening back into focus now as he looked straight up._

"_Sim-" Baz mouthed the words quietly, his voice breaking hesitantly and with great effort because there was no bloody way Baz was going to break down in front of Simon. But he was breaking, even faster than he could pick up the pieces._

"_Shhh." He mouthed back, his blond bangs dangled in front of his somber eyes, smelling of wood and sweat and blood and tears._

"_I just-"_

"_Hush" Simon's sharp Liverpool accent was cool and calm, slightest hint of concern flooded Simon's heart onto Baz's._

_And Baz saw it._

_Suddenly all the clues he'd picked up the past year were coming together in his head, each one configures to reveal the mystery at large._

_Baz could feel Simon pressing all he carried emotionally into him but it still wasn't enough._

'_Come on, Baz.' He thought to himself._ '_Don't bloody cry. Don't be a baby. Not here. Not ever.'  
Baz felt hot tears flood the corners of his charcoal shaded eyes, and though the sting was inevitable, it was worth holding in._

"_The Humdrum, Simon-" Baz began to gather his bleeding emotions. Emotions that had split open like wounds._ _He knew deep inside that Simon wouldn't have made it out of that nursery if they hadn't been together, fighting._ _The whole time. Together. It was the end of the beginning. But it wasn't like the story books. There was no blissful happiness in endings._

"_Don't worry about it. You-" Simon's iron eyes brushed a bit of the pain away._

"_Now you on the other hand… You need help." His crimson lips formed a fold that seemed to be a smile. An obvious Simon Snow made smile. And it was a smile that Baz would have missed had he not memorized the every curve drawn in his lips._

_Simon leaned over Baz, stirring a potion that seemed to reek of blood and sweat, although everything at this point did._ _Baz knew this potion by heart._ _He studied this potion for the whole year._ _He dreamed about perfecting this potion._

_Baz wasn't going to let Simon waste this on him._

"_Drink up, Basilton." He handed the dark bottle to Bas, keeping a slight joking voice in mind._

"_I can't possibly drink that." Baz frowned at it, grasping onto the blanket his lifeless body was lying on._

"_And why not? Are you afraid?" This was obvious sarcasm. But Baz just faced his biggest nightmare. The whole reason he was half dead was because of the monster that had been chasing him for all eighteen years of his life, causing him to suffer and become the thorn in Simon's side._

_If he wasn't afraid of the Insidious Humdrum anymore then he definitely wasn't afraid of a potion._

_These last weeks spent looking for the White Hares have been the closest weeks Baz had ever spent with Simon Snow. But no matter how much the insufferable git whined or grew nostalgic over the life they had to leave behind at Watford or woke up screaming in the middle of the night from that of his tortured mind, he never wanted their time to end. And why did it have to? Time was endless after all. But it would. Eventually. And soon._

"_Then why won't you let me heal you? You're dying. There's blood everywhere and you look awful." Simon never seemed to care if he was dying or almost dead. He was too self-absorbed for that. But he was also a good actor..._

"_Thank you for noticing, Snow." Baz's deadly voice seemed harsher than it had meant to be. And maybe it was. But it was too late to bite the words back._

"_Seriously though. Bloody drink it." Simon smiled tenderly while handing Baz the potion's round bottle, losing the disgusted tone he had normally used when being associated with Baz._

_Baz took it gratefully._

"_This is the last healing potion. I won't let you waste it on me." Baz's cold grey eyes met Simon's and he felt his cheeks run red._

"_Waste? I wouldn't give you anything that would be a waste. Saving your life is the best thing I could ever do. I'm tired of only saving myself." His long pointed nose began to poke at Baz's fast beating heart, and Baz had to wonder how this happened. How they came to be here. How they happened. But he couldn't help but hope too, as foolish as that was. I mean what was hope exactly? Nothing but a lying, cheating, backstabbing shout into the void. Hope was something that had no place in times like these. But still... Baz hesitantly tilted the bottle's cold opening onto his lips, begging for life._

_He felt immediate relief when he swallowed the warm liquid down his burning throat, and felt only slightly drunk but completely aware of his actions._

"_Better?" Simon watched Baz carefully. Steadily. Cautiously._

"_Better." Baz breathed out the word with great effort._

_A long silence filled the awkward air before Baz threw the glass bottle down with a force he didn't even know he contained._ _The glass shattered and it gave Baz a reassuring pleasure to know that he successfully destroyed something today._ _He felt Simon jump in both unmistakable surprise and disbelief._

"_You did well, defeating the Humdrum, you know. I didn't think you had it in you." Simon pierced the silence with his two blue holes in his head._

_Baz's facial expression must have given his confusion away._

"_Well, don't you remember? You stabbed the Mage's Sword into the Humdrum's chest repeatedly before you were slicing his face up as if you were swatting a pesky bee. You collapsed afterward, of course. You saved us both, Baz. Thanks." Simon slipped his warm hand into Baz's cold and obvious trembling palm, allowing the warmth to invade his whole body._

_He sat up slowly, allowing Simon to pull his body up only slightly, helping Baz with great struggle._

"_It was nothing, Snow," he stared down at their hands, trying to remember how this happened for not the first time this whole journey they embarked on what felt like ages ago._

"_So is he…" Baz was waiting to ask this for seventeen years._

"_Very. You could throw his body off a cliff and he wouldn't be any deader. Your skin-" Simon looked at Baz with a loving stare._

"_It's coming back, Baz. Your skin looks…" For a second Baz was positive Simon would say something snarky but he ended his sentence with,_

"_Divine." _

_Simon began to brush his finger over Baz's knuckles._

_Simon reached for something in his pocket._

_A mirror._

_Baz took the mirror, half expecting not to see his reflection at all._

_He looked at himself, mesmerized. Noticing the color of skin was beginning to appear a light shade of tan._

"_You look beautiful, Baz._" _Simon's voice meant this but just then Baz saw Simon in a new way. Simon's annoyingly greasy blond hair was now wonderfully life saving. Simon's disgusted blue eyes were now dancing with a charming glance._

_Baz realized that Agatha had never looked as good as Simon always did._

_If Baz didn't know he loved Simon Snow before, he definitely knew now._

"_Are your cravings are gone?" Simon eyed Baz's neck where two small holes used to be._ _Baz reached up and softly felt his neck_.

_They were healing._

_Healing._

_Baz wouldn't be a vampire anymore._

_There would be no more cries at night while Simon held Baz's wrists down, restraining him from anything that moved or breathed._ _No more of this bloody weakness rubbish._

_Baz was now immune to everything._

"_It's all gone. I feel free and twelve again. I feel ten millions times better." Baz's lips felt excited due to his new transformation._

_Simon's eyes got dreamy and laced with whimsicality._

"_I've been wanted to ask you something but I wasn't exactly sure how you would respond. Scaring you is the last thing I need right now." _

_Simon sounded tired and awake at the same time._

"_Ask it. I'm not afraid of anything anymore, especially not you." Baz watched Simon decide whether he was going to say anything after that._

"_Maybe if I just make my question a command you'll do it." Simon suggested, sounding completely serious._

"_I'm not a dog, Simon-," Baz had barely got those words out before Simon blurted out four words he thought he would never hear._

"_Kiss me, Basilton Pitch." Simon tugged at nothing in particular, waiting for nothing in particular either... (At least not particularly.)_

"_What?" Baz's voice got wide and echoey._

"_Kiss me. We both like each other, I think. I want to kiss you. You're the only person I've ever wanted to kiss. So, go on and bloody kiss me." Simon was serious, he could see it in his blue eyes, and it almost scared Baz. Much more than the Insidious Humdrum ever did._

"_That's a dangerous thing to just assume..." He replied, his words thick and slurred with hesitation."But you have fortunately assumed correctly." Baz eyed Simon, who was leaning in to place his hand on Baz's cheek, which was almost but not quite warm._

_Baz felt himself blush immensely, more of embarrassment than passion._

_Looking into Simon's eyes was like looking into a twisted picture, seeing something each time that you never noticed before. It was a painting Baz wanted to hang over his bed so that it was the very last sight he fell asleep with in his eyes._

_Simon decided to take the floor._

"_It's a good thing I fall asleep after you or else I would have never heard your stirring at night, calling out for my name." Simon smirked and laughed teasingly._

_He was right._ _Baz had had dreams about Simon but they were nothing vulgar._ _The dreams started out nice._ _Simon would be looking for the Hares with Baz when all of the sudden Simon would die over and over again and Baz would have to watch it happen over and over again._

_The dreams were now nightmares._

_Baz blushed at the fact that Simon knew him now._ _Simon Snow, his childhood enemy, knew him inside and out._ _He kept track of his dreams, breaths, jokes, and blood droplets._

_Simon was okay with knowing Baz and that made Baz shiver._ _Or was he just cold? He supposed that was a valid excuse because he actually was cold. But Baz didn't want excuses for his feelings anymore. He just wanted Simon Snow. And whatever came after was history._

_Simon stared deeply into Baz's stormy eyes, turning them into hard stone._

"_I'm not intimidated by you, Snow." Baz threaded his left hand through the back of Simon's damp hair._ _His hair felt as if you were touching wet lace._ _It was the type of texture that reminded someone of Christmas._

"_Intimidation isn't on my agenda. If I wanted to intimidate someone it would be someone who wasn't as scared easily as you." Simon's awful smirk came back._

_Had it ever left?_

_No._

_Will it ever leave?_

_Of course not._

_Simon brought his face inches away from Baz's, creating the biggest set of tension they'd ever experienced._

"_You're a bloody git, you know that?" Basilton tried to match Simon's smirk. Nope. Simon's lips were all his own._

"_Baz, have you ever thought that I could get tired of hearing the same things over and over again?" He smiled like a young mischievous school boy._

_And just like that,_ _Simon's lips were intertwined with Baz's, not leaving room to breathe._

_Baz smiled during it all, and Simon felt it and let out a giggle. (Could boys giggle? Baz hated the word 'chuckle')._

"_Just promise me one thing, okay?" Baz kept his hands where they were, holding his lips close while he spoke._

"_Yes, Baz?" Simon's eyes were as heavy as iron._

"_Just," Baz paused, looking for the perfect words,_

"_Carry on, Simon."_


	2. Goodbye Simon Snow

**Chapter Two: Goodbye, Simon.**

Cath's night voice really gave character to Simon and Baz. Almost like they were speaking through her lips and the story itself was coming to life from her mouth. Sometimes when she read out loud to Levi like this she imagined them both in Simon and Baz's scenario, fighting monsters with Cath's evocative Fan Fiction writings and Levi's killer smiles and pumpkin latte's.

Levi was sitting on Cath's bed listening to her midnight voice, which was cool, calm, and collected at this late hour. It was steadier than her body was in his arms. Cath's just couldn't sit still. But with Cath in Levi's arms, anything was possible. Levi made everything magical. The very room lit up when he walked in. Nothing was _really _real with him around, and Cath couldn't quite understand fully how he did it.

Once Cath stopped reading she felt an immediate wave of panic wash over her and realized all too quickly that there were only a few words left. Too few.

_No more Simon and Baz. Forever._

Cath had posted the last chapter of _Carry On, Simon _one week ago but it still haunted her both when she did and didn't expect it to, and she couldn't quite process the last words she left them with. She couldn't quite let go just yet. But it didn't help that her fans wouldn't either. The reviews were out of control and still ringing in her ears. Fangirls all across the world of Cath's were enraged and devastated at the ending she gave them. Cath had to remind herself that she was still only human when people expected too much of her, and that's when she realized that, (like Baz), you can't please them all.

"So," Levi started, his eyes red from rubbing them repetitively, "Is that it?"  
Levi really didn't get it. It was still just a story to him. Just a collection of pages you read cover to cover before placing back on the shelf until another story was selected. To Cath it was something you don't take lightly. Something that came to life in her hands and on her lips.

Any other sensible Simon Snow fan would have raved at Levi for his considerably ignorant comment in such a monotonous voice. But Cath wasn't just any other fan, she was _the_ fan. And when Cath called herself that, she meant it. After all, like Simon as the Mage's heir, she had to live up to her title.

"Yep," Cath too a breath to calm herself before her next words could be regretful ones, "That's it. Gemma T. Leslie is done writing forever." Her eyes were so distracted by the words on the screen that she barely felt Levi's hand spoon up her back.

"I know how much that story meant to you." He said.

"It was my childhood. Now that it has ended-," Cath sounded ridiculous. And she almost admitted it out loud. She even almost said that she wasn't going to write any more. That was stupid. Of course she would...but what about? Simon Snow was the only 'genre' she ever wrote.

"Don't think that way,

**Chapter Two: Goodbye, Simon.**

Cath's night voice really gave character to Simon and Baz. Almost like they were speaking through her lips and the story itself was coming to life from her mouth. Sometimes when she read out loud to Levi like this she imagined them both in Simon and Baz's scenario, fighting monsters with Cath's evocative Fan Fiction writings and Levi's killer smiles and pumpkin latte's.

Levi was sitting on Cath's bed listening to her midnight voice, which was cool, calm, and collected at this late hour. It was steadier than her body was in his arms. Cath's just couldn't sit still. But with Cath in Levi's arms, anything was possible. Levi made everything magical. The very room lit up when he walked in. Nothing was _really _real with him around, and Cath couldn't quite understand fully how he did it.

Once Cath stopped reading she felt an immediate wave of panic wash over her and realized all too quickly that there were only a few words left. Too few.

_No more Simon and Baz. Forever._

Cath had posted the last chapter of _Carry On, Simon _one week ago but it still haunted her both when she did and didn't expect it to, and she couldn't quite process the last words she left them with. She couldn't quite let go just yet. But it didn't help that her fans wouldn't either. The reviews were out of control and still ringing in her ears. Fangirls all across the world of Cath's were enraged and devastated at the ending she gave them. Cath had to remind herself that she was still only human when people expected too much of her, and that's when she realized that, (like Baz), you can't please them all.

"So," Levi started, his eyes red from rubbing them repetitively, "Is that it?"  
Levi really didn't get it. It was still just a story to him. Just a collection of pages you read cover to cover before placing back on the shelf until another story was selected. To Cath it was something you don't take lightly. Something that came to life in her hands and on her lips.

Any other sensible Simon Snow fan would have raved at Levi for his considerably ignorant comment in such a monotonous voice. But Cath wasn't just any other fan, she was _the_ fan. And when Cath called herself that, she meant it. After all, like Simon as the Mage's heir, she had to live up to her title.

"Yep," Cath too a breath to calm herself before her next words could be regretful ones, "That's it. Gemma T. Leslie is done writing forever." Her eyes were so distracted by the words on the screen that she barely felt Levi's hand spoon up her back.

"I know how much that story meant to you." He said.

"It was my childhood. Now that it has ended-," Cath sounded ridiculous. And she almost admitted it out loud. She even almost said that she wasn't going to write anymore. That was stupid. Of course she would...but what about? Simon Snow was the only 'genre' she ever wrote.

"Don't think that way, Cather. You're an amazing writer and your fans are counting on you to keep writing." Levi's lips were so needy looking. So close. So tempting. They were practically pornographic. She wanted to make an honest woman of his lips...

"To 'Carry On, Cather.'" His tone was now just as ridiculous as hers. And it almost made her laugh. Almost. But almost wasn't quite enough.

"You are delirious." She rolled her eyes, worried that if she blinked for too long she would fall asleep.

"No Cath, I'm only mad with love because of you." Levi pulled Cath's shut down body closer to his.

Her bedsheets and his arms were overpowering her tired mind. And she suddenly couldn't see straight. Like the room was rotating through a camera lense.

"Would you stop quoting '_Carry On'_? It's only the most depressing topic of the century." Cath found herself acting and talking crazy again. Crazy. It was practically her middle name by now.

_Carry On was only a Fan Fiction. Stop taking it so seriously, Cath, _She would tell herself constantly. But this time it didn't seem to be working. Had it ever worked? She tried to convince herself that it had. But even that didn't work.

Levi kissed the top of her forehead, leaving her breathless and almost motivated. He could be such a tease when he wanted to be. But that was the thing, he didn't mean to be. It just came naturally with him. Everything came naturally with him. From leaning to politeness to flirting to smiling to being Levi.

"You're a better writer than any author I've ever listened to." He was so cute. Practically adorable even. And he didn't mind being adorable.

His comment made Cath laugh.

"Well, at least I've accomplished something in this time of drab and confusion." She smiled and kissed his chin, not really caring anymore about where or how she kissed him. Like she wasn't afraid of doing it wrong anymore.

Levi laid his head back against the headboard of Cath's bed and ran his fingers through his floppy hair. She set down her laptop on her desk and then turned her body to face Levi's, folding herself up in his enormous chest and broad shoulders. He smiled down at her as she peered up at him just over his chin. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as his scent stung her nose. _Starbucks._ But when did he not smell like Starbucks?

She leaned her lips into his cheek before resting her head down on his chest and listening to his lungs fall into the rhythmic pattern of rises and falls of his breaths.

"You smell good." He said while kissing the top of her head.

"So do you." She breathed to him.

"What do I smell like?" He seemed to already know the answer to that question judging by the quirk in his brow.

"Coffee grounds and Indie music." Cath hadn't realized how insane and perfectly accurate that answer sounded until it was long past her mouth.

He laughed softly and she felt it on her cheek.

"Do I?" He smiled and his lips found her head under all that hair.

Cath whispered a small noise that sounded incredibly close to, "Yeah."

"You smell like," He paused, which Cath guessed was more for dramatic effect rather than taking a moment to consider his answer, and smiled wide, "little girl."

"That's really not creepy." She laughed. Softly, quietly. Levi laughed too.

"No, I just," He laughed again, "I'm assuming that flowers and cupcakes are what girls smell like." He shrugged, slightly jerking Cath with him.

She frowned at him from under his chin. "That's sexist, Levi."

"I know, I'm sorry." He closed his eyes softly. Everything he ever did was either silently or softly. But he was soft. Everywhere from his floppy hair to his eyelashes to his abdomen."No you're not." She smiled under her closed eyelids. Levi smiled too, but even Cath could feel it curve into a smirk.

"I know." His breathing slowed down and he held Cath close to his body, where she remained all through the night long.. You're an amazing writer and your fans are counting on you to keep writing." Levi's lips were so needy looking. So close. So tempting. They were practically pornographic. She wanted to make an honest woman of his lips...

"To 'Carry On, Cather.'" His tone was now just as ridiculous as hers. And it almost made her laugh. Almost. But almost wasn't quite enough.

"You are delirious." She rolled her eyes, worried that if she blinked for too long she would fall asleep.

"No Cath, I'm only mad with love because of you." Levi pulled Cath's shut down body closer to his.

Her bedsheets and his arms were overpowering her tired mind. And she suddenly couldn't see straight. Like the room was rotating through a camera lense.

"Would you stop quoting '_Carry On'_? It's only the most depressing topic of the century." Cath found herself acting and talking crazy again. Crazy. It was practically her middle name by now.

_Carry On was only a Fan Fiction. Stop taking it so seriously, Cath, _She would tell herself constantly. But this time it didn't seem to be working. Had it ever worked? She tried to convince herself that it had. But even that didn't work.

Levi kissed the top of her forehead, leaving her breathless and almost motivated. He could be such a tease when he wanted to be. But that was the thing, he didn't mean to be. It just came naturally with him. Everything came naturally with him. From leaning to politeness to flirting to smiling to being Levi.

"You're a better writer than any author I've ever listened to." He was so cute. Practically adorable even. And he didn't mind being adorable.

His comment made Cath laugh.

"Well, at least I've accomplished something in this time of drab and confusion." She smiled and kissed his chin, not really caring any more about where or how she kissed him. Like she wasn't afraid of doing it wrong any more.

Levi laid his head back against the headboard of Cath's bed and ran his fingers through his floppy hair. She set down her laptop on her desk and then turned her body to face Levi's, folding herself up in his enormous chest and broad shoulders. He smiled down at her as she peered up at him just over his chin. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as his scent stung her nose. _Starbucks._ But when did he not smell like Starbucks?

She leaned her lips into his cheek before resting her head down on his chest and listening to his lungs fall into the rhythmic pattern of rises and falls of his breaths.

"You smell good." He said while kissing the top of her head.

"So do you." She breathed to him.

"What do I smell like?" He seemed to already know the answer to that question judging by the quirk in his brow.

"Coffee grounds and Indie music." Cath hadn't realized how insane and perfectly accurate that answer sounded until it was long past her mouth.

He laughed softly and she felt it on her cheek.

"Do I?" He smiled and his lips found her head under all that hair.

Cath whispered a small noise that sounded incredibly close to, "Yeah."

"You smell like," He paused, which Cath guessed was more for dramatic effect rather than taking a moment to consider his answer, and smiled wide, "little girl."

"That's really not creepy." She laughed. Softly, quietly. Levi laughed too.

"No, I just," He laughed again, "I'm assuming that flowers and cupcakes are what girls smell like." He shrugged, slightly jerking Cath with him.

She frowned at him from under his chin. "That's sexist, Levi."

"I know, I'm sorry." He closed his eyes softly. Everything he ever did was either silently or softly. But he was soft. Everywhere from his floppy hair to his eyelashes to his abdomen.

"No you're not." She smiled under her closed eyelids. Levi smiled too, but even Cath could feel it curve into a smirk.  
"I know." His breathing slowed down and he held Cath close to his body, where she remained all through the night long.


End file.
